1.   我是高中心理老师。我自己是存在主义流派的。在实际教学中，常常被领导要求开展积极心理学的教学。同时，我发现很难把存在主义最本质的东西传达给高中生。想请教一下，如何对高中生开展存在主义教育。

Your questions took me down memory lane and stimulated me to think about my high school education and reflect upon when I became an existential psychologist.  That is a longer story for another time but Ibelieve that the seeds of my transformation were sown by Mr. Farina, my English teacher at that time.  I was a math nerdin high school but strangely found myself drawn to Mr. Farina’s Senior Englishclass because he reached out and touched my soul.  I recall that he would play instrumentalmusic for us and asked us to listen with our hearts.  He required us to write personal journals andinvested the time to nurture our young developing souls through the reading each of our weekly journals. He provided such personal feedback to some of my journal entries.  So I learned about existence and existential psychology through Mr. Farina without even knowingit.  Intellectually, we could not fullydigest what he was trying to convey to us through our reading assignments which consisted of both contemporary and classical literature.  But at the very least, Mr. Farina made itcool to be an artist nerd.  The seedsthat he sown took a long time to germinate. Looking back now, I can see that our young souls soaked up what hetaught us but it took decades for our intellect to catch up.  I think we needed time to live life and accumulate enough life experiences before being able to grasp what Mr. Farinawas trying to share with us regarding the wisdom of the artists.

你的问题使我回忆并激发我思考自己的高中教育，从而反思我是什么时候成为一个存在主义心理学家的。这是另一个更长的故事了，找别的时间再说，但我相信使我转变的种子是我的英语老师法里纳先生在那时播下的。

在高中时，我是一个数学方面的书呆子，但奇怪的是，我发现自己被法里纳先生的高中英语课所吸引了，因为他伸出手，触动了我的灵魂。

我记得他会为我们演奏器乐，让我们用心去听。他要求我们写个人日志，并花时间阅读我们每个人的周日志，以此来培养我们年轻的灵魂。他给我的一些日志提供了这样的个人反馈。所以我在毫不知情的情况下，通过法里纳先生了解了存在主义和存在主义心理学。

在智力上，我们无法完全理解他试图通过我们的阅读作业来传达给我们的信息，这些阅读作业包括当代文学和古典文学。但至少，法里纳让做一个艺术家书呆子这件事变得很酷。他种下的种子花了很长时间才发芽。

现在回想起来，我可以看到我们年轻的灵魂吸收了他教给我们的东西，但我们的智力则花了几十年才赶上来。我认为我们需要时间来生活，积累足够的生活经验，然后才能理解法里纳先生试图与我们分享的关于艺术家的智慧。

Ibelieve we can pass on knowledge but not wisdom.  Wisdom must be embodied.  It is gained through experience.  Therefore, my encouragement to you is to bethe existential psychology curriculum for your high school students.  I think often about how to teach these simpleand yet profound existential and humanistic concepts to my students.  For example, it takes perhaps no more than ten minutes to intellectually grasp the concept of authenticity.  However, it takes a life-time to put in inpractice.  What I resolved eventually was that the best way for me to teach “authenticity” is to try to be the most authentic person I can be.  And believeme, I’m not even close.  What I learned from dancing is that in order to be a good leader, I must direct my energy and weight inward and effect my own movement and through my own movement transmitthe lead to my partner.  Trying to “lead”my partner by directing my weight and energy towards my partner will eventuallymake thins quite uncomfortable for her. So the short of it is, embody what you’re trying the teach and for the student who are looking for what you have to offer, they will naturally bedrawn toward your presence like a moth towards fire.

我相信我们可以传递知识，但不能传递智慧。智慧必须具体化，它是通过经验获得的。因此，我鼓励你自己成为你的高中学生的存在主义心理学教程。我经常思考如何把这些简单却深刻的存在主义和人文主义概念教给我的学生。

例如，从智力上理解真实性的概念可能不超过十分钟。然而，这需要一生的时间来付诸实践。我最终决定，对我来说，教“真实”的最好方法是努力做最真实的自己。相信我，我还差得远呢。

我从舞蹈中学到的是，为了成为一个好的引领者，我必须把自己的能量和重量向内引导，影响自己的动作，通过自己的动作把引导传递给我的舞伴。而试图将我的体重和能量引导到我的舞伴身上，以此来“领导”我的舞伴，这最终会让她感到非常不舒服。简而言之，要具体表达出你所努力教授的东西，对于那些寻找你必须提供东西的学生来说，他们自然会被你的存在所吸引，就如同飞蛾扑火一般。

Andfinally, I share your struggle and frustration with the edict to teach thepositive without examining the negative. This is impossible for how can you have yang without the yin?  Life and death, pain and joy, suffering and creativity are inter-dependent.  And both “positive” and “negative” are illusory anyway. It is understandable that the administrators at your school wants you tofocus more on sunshine without emphasizing the surrounding clouds.  To this end, I would share the following paintings of the sunset and share the following passage with your administrators and your students. Hopefully the beauty of nature will communicate to them that yin andyang are inseparable.

最后，我和你们一样，对不审视消极因素而教授积极因素的法令感到挣扎和沮丧。你有阳而没有阴，这可能吗？生与死、苦与乐、苦难与创造是相互依存的。

无论如何，“积极”和“消极”都是错觉。可以理解的是，你们学校的管理人员希望你们更多地关注阳光，而不是周围的云。为此，我将与你们的管理人员和学生分享下面的日落图和文章。希望大自然的美能告诉他们阴阳是不可分割的。

如何绘出夕阳

想像一副美丽的，迷人的，以灿烂夕阳为主题的绘画。为了突出主题，我们需要一些暗色调与主色调形成对比。最重要的是，暗色的使用需要远远多于落日的光芒，但它的功能仅仅是作为背景幕存在。而且，相对于那一束璀璨的光芒，我们有更多的自由创造和使用这些暗色。然而，最终是那束灿烂的光芒迷住了我们。但若没有暗色的环绕包围，这光芒是不完整的，更缺少了那震撼人心的冲击力。

2.   我们医院在隔离病区上班的部分医务人员暂时住在疫情防控指挥部征用过来的一家酒店里，但酒店不愿意提供保洁服务（这个可以理解），也不允许这些医务人员在大堂活动（每天下班回来要在大堂测体温才能进房间）。有些人会觉得很委屈，感觉自己每天都那么艰辛的在付出却受到歧视！请问怎样可以支持到他们？

I imagine that if I were one of the medicalstaff, I too would be angry and aggrieved. It’s downright unjust.  I wouldthink, “I’m making tremendous sacrifices here and not only are you not showingany appreciation, which I now know you’re unable to give, but instead, you’re discriminating against me as well!  Tohell with you!”  I think their anger is justified.  Everyone want their supportand care, but who is going to care for them? Therefore, I think one of the important ways that I can be of support isto bear witness to their sacrifice and let them know that their sacrifice isnot in vain.

我想，如果我是一名医务人员，我也会感到愤怒和委屈。这是完全不公平的。我会想，“我在这里做出了巨大的牺牲，而你们不仅没有表现出任何感激之情，我现在知道你们无法表达感激之情，相反，你们还在以不公平的方式对待我！去你的！”

我认为他们的愤怒是合乎情理的。每个人都需要他们的支持和关心，但是谁来关心他们呢?因此，我认为我能够支持他们的一个重要方式就是为他们的牺牲作证，并且让他们知道他们的牺牲不是徒劳的。

The medical staff are making this sacrificebecause they are living out their higher calling.  They are choosing to risk and suffer for ahigher cause and higher purpose.  Ibelieve they are willing to endure this suffering to the extent that they owntheir choice and are not forced to provide the medical care against theirwill.  What is extremely difficult toendure is to suffer in vain.  The Russianauthor Dostoyevsky once said, “There isonly one thing that I dread:  not to beworthy of my sufferings.”  I think itmakes a difference that at the very least, one person truly knows, validatesand appreciate their suffering.  And Ithink we do this best in this instance through our willingness to empathize andvalidate their anger, not by simply telling them that we appreciate their sacrifice.  We can show our appreciationthrough our willingness to suffer with them. During this crisis, we’re likely to feel powerless and helpless.  For example, in this instance, we cannotalleviate the somewhat reasonable anxiety on the part of the hotel staff.  Furthermore, we can be tempted to think howmuch of a difference can my lone witness make when faced with an entire hotel staff that is acting out of fear?  Yet,we must believe that a deep compassionate willingness to see, really see andunderstand the sacrifices made by these heroic few medical personnel can andwill make a significant difference. Think back to our own periods of suffering and how the validatingcompanionship of one friend was the strand of hope and support that we held onto.

医务人员之所以做出这种牺牲，是因为他们正在践行自己更崇高的使命。他们正选择为了更崇高的事业和更崇高的目标去冒险和受苦。我相信，他们有自己的选择，而不是被迫提供违反他们意愿的医疗保健，他们则愿意忍受这种痛苦直到这样一种地步。极其难以忍受的，则是白白受苦。

俄国作家陀思妥耶夫斯基曾经说过:“我只担心一件事，我怕我配不上自己所受的苦难。”我认为，至少有一个人真正了解、认同并感激他们为此所遭受的苦难，这是很重要的。

我认为，在这种情况下，我们能够做到最好的便是我们愿意同理和认同他们的愤怒，而不是仅仅告诉他们我们感谢他们的牺牲。我们可以通过表达愿意和他们一起受苦来传递我们的感激之情。

在这场危机中，我们可能会感到无力和无助。例如，在这种情况下，我们无法缓解酒店员工某些合理的焦虑。更有甚者，当我们面对一群出于恐惧而行动的酒店员工时，我们不禁会想，我唯一的证人能够带来多大的影响呢?

然而，我们必须相信，有一种深切的慈悲的意愿去看到，真正看到和理解这些英勇的医务人员所作出的牺牲，这是能够而且将会产生重大影响的。回想一下我们自己的苦难时期，一个朋友的有效陪伴是如何给予了我们坚持下去的一线希望和支持。

At times like this, it is tempting to beginto explain to the medical personnel that the hotel staff is acting out of fearand perhaps to forgive them for their folly. But trust that the medical personnel already understands this.  It is likely that they are already inundated with such fear and anxiety from all those that they treat,  Which of us would not numb and protectourselves when faced with such overwhelming need?  My belief is that if we are able to provide aform of Khora (ancient Greek term used by Plato to designate a receptacle withwomb-like characteristics) hospitality and sanctuary where the medical personnel are able to get enough physical and emotional rest, and through compassionate understanding; through our courageous willingness to listen toand contain their anger, they will eventually come out through the other sideand be more in touch with the fear of the hotel workers who represent all of usin society at large.

在这种情况下，人们很容易向医护人员解释，酒店员工的行为是出出自于恐惧，也许还让医务人员原谅他们的荒唐行为。但要相信医务人员已经明白这一点。他们很可能已经被那些他们所治疗的人所带来的恐惧和焦虑所淹没，我们中有谁会在面对如此巨大的需求时不会麻木并保护自己呢?

我的信念是，如果我们能够提供Khora（古希腊的一个术语，柏拉图用来指一个具有子宫特征的容器)这般形式的款待和避难所，在那里，医务人员能够得到足够的身体和精神上的休息；并通过我们慈悲的理解，通过我们勇敢地倾听和接纳他们的愤怒，他们最终会从另一边走出来，并更多地链接到酒店员工的恐惧，而这些酒店员工的恐惧则代表着我们整个社会的普遍恐惧。

3.   请教杨老师，在心理救援中，除了被大家普遍认可的倾听、共情之外，各种讲座里倾向于多使用放松技术、积极认知和积极想象技术，来缓解急性的焦虑症状，您觉得在这种情况下，存在主义的直面焦虑、直面死亡恐惧的理念，是完全不能触及还是可以适当运用？如果可以适当运用的话，如何掌控它的度？谢谢！

My opinion is that relaxation and positive thinking techniques can be helpful to alleviate some of the surface symptoms, but it is important how thesetechniques are practiced.  Namely thatthe application of the techniques does not communicate a running away from thebasic existential anxiety that is part of living.  For example, since a few days ago when Iwrote the initial essay, I was struggling with whether to go to my retreat inthe Philippines or not.  The struggle has essentially been erased because the Philippines government has now refused togrant entry to people arriving from China. Positive thinking may tell me, “See things have a way of workingthemselves out.”  However, this form of thinking without integrating the opposite, is incomplete.  Because many other things continue to remainuncertain.  The fact is, the uncertaintyhas always been there.  It’s just now highlighted by the current crisis.  I’m struggling with whether to take the risk to travel to another province to visitmy girlfriend or not?  How many people will be on the train?  Will I beinfected?  Will I infect others?  Will I be able to return to Beijing?  Relaxation techniques and positive thinking will only provide me with limited relief. At a very basic level, I am faced with the decisions, “How shall I live?  How shall I live today?  How much risk shall I take on?”  There are no right answers.  There is only a right answer for me and that changes day by day, moment by moment.

我的观点是，放松和积极思考的技巧可以帮助缓解一些表面症状，但重要的是这些技巧如何实践。也就是说，这些技巧的运用并没有传达出一种逃避基本的生存焦虑，而这种焦虑正是生活的一部分。

举个例子，自从几天前我写最初的那篇文章（点击阅读：《焦虑意味着：世界在敲你的门，你需要创造》）时我就一直纠结是否要去菲律宾静修。由于菲律宾政府现拒绝让来自中国的人入境，这场纠结基本上已经不复存在。

积极的想法可能会告诉我，“看到事情会自行解决。”然而，这种不整合对立事物的思维方式是不完整的。因为许多其他事情仍然不确定。事实上，不确定性一直存在。目前的危机就更突显了这一点。

我正在纠结是否要冒这个险去另一个省看望我的女朋友?火车上将会有多少人?我会被感染吗?我会传染给别人吗?我将能回北京吗?放松技巧和积极思考只能让我得到有限的解脱。在非常基本的层面上，我面临着这些抉择，“我将该如何生活?我今天该如何生活?我将要冒多大的风险?”这些问题没有正确的答案。

对我来说，只有一个正确的答案，就是这个答案每天都在变，每时每刻都在变。

Similarly,as with the case of the anger of the medical personnel, I’m tempted to take the easier route of explaining to them what they already know.  That the hotel workers are acting out offear.  This is a more subtle form of positive thinking.  In fact, the medical personnel are already showing their understanding given their acceptance of thehotel staff’s unwillingness to clean their rooms.  This is suffering that they are willing toendure.  What the medical personnel arefacing on a more heightened level and what we are all facing is that we are all dealing with the fragility of life, now made more manifest through the Coronavirus. The medical personnel arestaging a heroic battle to strengthen the immune system of those that are most seriously affected to battle against the virus. To my limited understanding, our immune systems grows stronger as the result of fighting against diseases. Again, most of us are resilient and the vast majority of those whocontract the virus will eventually recover.  But this form of “positive thinking” or what I prefer to call “existential awareness” is gained not through the avoidance of thinking about the fragility of our existence. Instead, this mindful form of living, as described by Martin Heidegger who I wrote about in the original essay, comes about through the integration,not the management or the running away from our fears.  Once again in the words of Heidegger, this ontological mode of existence is where one is “authentic, responsible for choice, aware and transcendent.  Embracing my possibilitiesand limits; facing absolute freedom and nothingness – and IS anxious in the face of them.”

类似的，正如医务人员生气的那个例子一样，我倾向于采取更简单的方式向他们解释他们已经知道的事情。酒店员工的行为是出于恐惧。这是一种更微妙的积极思维。

事实上，医务人员已经表达了他们的理解，因为他们接受了酒店员工不愿打扫房间。这是他们愿意忍受的痛苦。医护人员面临更高层次的问题，我们所有人都面临的问题是我们都在应对生命的脆弱，这一点现如今通过冠状病毒显示得更加明显。

医务人员正在展开一场英勇的战斗，以增强那些感染最为严重的人的免疫系统与病毒作斗争。据我有限的了解，我们的免疫系统会因为对抗疾病而变得更强。此外，我们大多数人都有恢复能力，绝大多数感染病毒的人最终都会康复。

但是，这种形式的“积极思考”，或者我更愿意称之为“存在意识”，不是通过回避思考我们存在的脆弱性而获得的。相反，正如我在最初的文章中所写道的，马丁·海德格尔描述这种正念的生活方式，是通过整合而来的，而不是通过管理或逃避我们的恐惧而来。再一次用海德格尔的话来说，这种存在的模式是一个人是“真实的，对选择承担责任的，觉知的和超越的”。拥抱我的可能性和极限；面对绝对的自由和虚无——在它们面前我感到焦虑。”

So what I want to communicate is that yes, fear can paralyze us.  During this crisis, I’m tempted to just curlup in a ball, sleep all day and take flight from all this anxiety.  I don’t want to face the anxiety associated with freedom and responsibility, the need sooner or later to make decisions asto whether and how I will arise from my bed and face this uncertain world.  My God, just the decision as to whether to goto the supermarket to buy food can seem so overwhelming.  So Zhi-mian includes paralysis and running away.  In addition however, Zhi-mian canalso give us courage.  Based on mylimited understanding, the flu vaccine involves a small dose of the medical scientists’ best guess as to this year’s variant of the flu virus.  We choose to allow them to inject us with thevirus with the belief that our bodies will grow more resilient as the result of fighting the virus.  So this answers thelast part of your question.

Through companionship, we help our clients to zhi-mian attenuated doses of anxietywhile trusting that they have the resolve, that their psychological immunesystem will marshal the resources to live out their existence.  Once again, the therapist’s task as Rollo May teaches usis to reduce anxiety to tolerable levels and then to use the anxietyconstructively.

所以我想要传达的是，是的，恐惧可以使我们感到无力。在这场危机中，我很想蜷成一团，睡上一整天，逃离所有的焦虑。我不想面对与自由和责任相关的焦虑，也不想面对迟早需要去决定的事情---是否起床，如何起床，如何面对这个不确定的世界。

我的天啊，光是决定是否去超市买食物都似乎让我觉得难以应付。所以，直面包括无力感和逃避。但是，除此之外，直面也给予了我们勇气。

根据我有限的了解，流感疫苗只占医学科学家对今年流感病毒变异的最佳猜测的一小部分。我们选择让他们给我们注射病毒，相信我们的身体会因为对抗病毒而变得更加有复原能力。这就回答了你问题的最后那部分。通过陪伴，我们帮助案主去直面焦虑并减轻焦虑的程度，同时我们相信他们有决心并相信自身的心理免疫系统会调动资源让自己活下去。再者，治疗师的任务正如罗洛·梅所教我们的那样，就是将焦虑降低到可承受的水平，然后建设性地利用这种焦虑。

Finally, your question of how do we assess how much anxiety our clientscan handle?  Good question.  The short answer is to prescribe attenuated doses of anxiety and then reassess as you go along.  Often our clients will surprise us with theircourage and resolve.  But it all begins with us.

The question is how muchanxiety can we handle?  I think it’s alsotrue that we surprise ourselves as well. We are like mountain guides who accompany our clients through the peaksand valleys of their lives.  How much anxiety our clients are willing to endure is often related to how much anxietywe’re willing to endure.  If we are willing to open ourselves to the fear and unjust aspects of existence, forexample the anger from the discrimination that the heroic medical personnel have to endure from those that they are trying to help, then we can be agreater source of comfort for those who come to us seeking guidance.  And it is not that we must become expertmountaineers ourselves.

No that is notso.  What it requires is familiarity withthe peaks and valleys of our own existential journeys.  Yes, it will require us to get out of bed andventure into the supermarkets in a mindful manner.  It requires us to be awakened to existenceand work out our own stance as to how to live with existential anxiety.

最后，你的问题是我们如何评估客户能够承受的焦虑程度?

好问题。

简而言之，就是给案主开减少剂量的焦虑症方面的药品，然后在治疗过程中重新评估。案主的勇气和决心经常会给我们带来惊喜。但一切都得从我们自身开始。问题是我们自己能承受多大的焦虑?我想我们也会给自己一个惊喜。

我们就像高山向导，陪着案主走过人生的高峰和低谷。我们的案主愿意承受的焦虑程度通常与我们自己愿意承受的焦虑程度有关。如果我们愿意敞开心扉去面对恐惧和不公平的方面存在，比如英勇的医务人员的愤怒来自于他们不得不容忍自己正在试图帮助的人对他们的不公平待遇，而我们则可以提供更大的安慰给那些来向我们寻求指引的人。

这并不是说我们自己必须成为登山专家。不，不是这样的。它所需要的是我们熟悉自己所存在之旅程中的高峰和低谷。是的，它需要我们起床，有觉察地走进超市。它需要我们对存在是有觉知的，并对如何与存在性的焦虑共存形成自己的立场。

4.  有个朋友面对疫情很恐慌，还说自己得了抑郁症，今天都想跑到天台上跳下去，面对这样的情况，如何支持？

This is a difficult and challenging situation because the friend is threatening suicide.  One of the first things that I want to be clear about is in what capacity or roleyou are taking on in helping him.  As aclinician, when one of my clients is threatening suicide, I want to assess the seriousness of the threat.  However, in this situation, you are a friend so I will offer you my thoughts as to how you might help him as a friend.  If a friend of mine told this to me, I’d take his threat seriously and let him or her knowthat I’m very concerned about him and ask him if he is serious about wanting toend his life.  I would ask this question directly, in all seriousness, to determine if the friend is crying out for help or is serious about wanting to take his life. If he is serious about wanting to take his own life, I would show great concern and ask him to check himself into a hospital if the threat is imminent or otherwise seek psychological help.

On the other hand, if this is a cry for help, and you’reinclined to help, I’d take the time to try to enter into his world and listento his pain.  One of the main riskfactors when it comes to suicidality is social isolation.  Often times, the risk can be reduced ifsomeone is willing to take their pain seriously.  But one thing to keep in mind is that ouroffer to help is voluntary, not mandatory. Just because a person, even if it’s our friend is asking for help, itdoes not automatically mean that we need to drop everything in our lives and rush to help.  The thing that I want to communicate to my friends and my clients is that I take very seriously any threats of suicide and help them to know that these threats are not to be taken lightly.  Sometimes, people don’t know how to ask for help without resorting to something as dramatic as threatening suicide.  So if I were working with aclient, I’d want to work with them to find other ways to communicate their pain and desire for help without resorting to such escalation.

您的朋友已经出现自杀倾向，这样看来情况是比较复杂的，有一定挑战性。首先，我想在您所能提供的帮助及所能扮演的角色方面为您提供一定建议。作为一名心理咨询师，如果来访者出现自杀倾向，我会首先评估其严重性。

但鉴于所述情况中您是患者的朋友，那么我将向您分享作为朋友所能提供的帮助。站在一个朋友的角度，如果我的朋友向我吐露自杀倾向，我会严肃对待，表明我对此事的关切，并向其本人确认自杀倾向的真实性。在询问确认时，我也将以严肃认真的态度直接提问，以确认其是否正在寻求帮助或是的确决定结束生命。

若对方决意结束生命，除却致以真诚的关心，我还会建议对方积极就医，检查身体状况，或主动寻求心理治疗。如果了解到对方正在寻求帮助，而我能够施以援手，我将尝试进入对方内心世界，倾听对方的痛苦。

自杀心理的一大主要诱因是社会孤立。通常，如果这种倾向被严肃对待，造成不良后果的风险将会有效降低。但有一点是必须明确的，即我们所提供的帮助是一种自愿行为，并非义务。即便对方是我们的朋友，也并不意味着我们有义务放弃个人生活为其提供帮助。

而我会向我的朋友或是来访者强调的则是，我将认真对待他们的情况，并表示充分的关心。由于不懂得如何寻求帮助，有时人们会代之以激进的做法，例如威胁自杀，因此在工作中我会尽可能以其他平和的方式与来访者沟通，了解其痛苦和求助的意愿，避免其诉诸激进形式。

5.  做为心理工作者，在这非常时期，我们也完全面临着各种危险和压力，我们该如何照顾好自己，同时有力量输出爱和支持给他人？

I see that the answer to your question is already embedded into your question.  So the simple answer is to turn your question in to a statement, namely that we needto practice good self-care and take good care of ourselves So that we have the strength to provide care and support for others.

Of course this is much easier said than done.  Us counselors and psychotherapists are natural people helpers and are easily drawn to provide comfort.  This comes easily to us.  What I’ve found is that often times, we arenot very good at taking care of ourselves. In fact, sometimes we can be down right harsh to ourselves while showing great compassion to those that we help. The Bible has a well-known proverb that reminds us to remove the log inour own eyes before taking out the splinter in others.  This is often applied as acknowledging ourown blind spots before pointing out that of others.  However, in my experience, I see that the same principle applies to not only blind spots but mercy as well.  Again, we can show great mercy to others andyet be so harsh onto ourselves.  The truth is, it is much easier to teach these concepts than the live themout.  It is a lifelong practice.

Pragmatically, if one is to have a long career as apeople helper, one must learn good self-care. For example, often times I have to remind myself not to feel guilty forcarrying my tennis backpack to meetings and classes for it is easy to fall inthe trap that in order to show worth, I need to do more and be more productive while going to play seems like a guilty pleasure.  How can I show my students and colleagues that I’m going out to play?  Or thatcompared to my colleagues who might have hundreds of emails to reply to, I too should be similarly busy.  Now think about it.  This kind of thinking isabsurd!  Instead, I need to remind myself that we all make different choices and that the choices I make to achieve mywork-life balance is unique and only need to be suitable for me.  Comparisons are unhealthy!

I believe that the ability to listen and provide quality companionship is even more important during times of crisis.  And the ability to provide quality listening and companionship has everything to do with our presence and our ability to bepresent.  Often times what makes the crucial difference in therapy is not what we do, but how we do it.  In the words of Carl Rogers, “What is important in therapy is not what we must DO, but how we must BE.”  And cultivating presence, that quality ofbeing is what we emphasize in our training. So during this time of crisis, many of us will be called to providecompanionship, that listening ear to those who are suffering.  There is an important difference in viewingthis as a task or believing that listening, not advice or techniques are themost important thing that we offer.  Ifwe are to provide this type of care, it is critically important that we practice good self-care and make sure that our spirits are in the right place to be that healing presence.

其实，问题的答案已经在您的提问中有所体现了。也就是说，我们需要时刻关注自己的身体状况，进行自我保护，这样才能为他人提供必要的支持和帮助。

这说起来容易，做起来却难。我们作为心理工作者，为他人提供帮助、安抚他人情绪是常有的，但我时常发现，我们并不习惯于照顾自己。我们常常对我们帮助的对象表现出极大的同情，却对自己严苛要求。

《圣经》有言，不要只看见他人眼中的刺，而要先挑自己眼中的梁木。这教导人们要首先正视自己的不足。但从我的个人经验来看，这一告诫不仅仅要针对不足，也适用于怜悯之心。因为我们可能对他人极尽关爱而苛求自己。当然，这是一种终身的努力，讲道理总是比实践来得容易。

从实际来看，要想长久从事助人事业，必须先学会自我关爱。例如，我时常为自己带着网球包参加会议或课堂而感到羞愧，从而陷入自责的旋涡，认为自己应当更为努力工作，做出更多的成果以作弥补。

我会扪心自问：我怎么能向我的同事和学生展露我将要放松的念头呢？看到我的同事尚有上百封邮件要回，我便觉得自己也应该同样忙碌。但现在想来，我发觉我的想法十分荒谬。相反地，我应该提醒自己，我不过是作出了不同的选择以平衡工作和生活。我的选择是独特的，而且只需要考虑我自己，盲目的比较毫无意义。

我认为，在这样的非常时期，有效的倾听和陪伴愈加重要。而能否提供有效倾听和陪伴取决于我们的在场以及这种在场的质量。通常，治疗中起关键作用的不是我们做了什么，而是我们怎么做。美国心理学家卡尔•罗杰斯曾说，心理治疗中重要的不是该做什么，而是怎么做。

因此，我们在培训中也常常强调心理工作者在场的质量。在这样的非常时期，我们时常需要去陪伴他人，向受到伤害的人提供必要的倾听。有人将之视为工作，有人则认为倾听本身是超越建议和其他辅助手段之上最有意义的帮助，这两者之间有很大的不同。为了提供有效的关爱，我们需要将自我关爱放在重要位置，保证自身处在良好的状态之中，才能为他人提供有效的帮助。

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